Speed Dating Recap, Part I

SCENE:

The biggest event in speed dating history. One that will go down in infamy, errr, the Guinness Book of World Records. (You think I'm kidding -- there were Guinness judges monitoring.)

And for the record, KT's Book of World Records:

*Number of times asked what I like to do for fun: 11. 11!

*Number of times I said "Really. Reeeally?!?" 17. 17!

*Number of times I was asked on a date: ZERO. Really?!

CHARACTERS:

Rhianna dressed in only a sports bra, lady takes over the dance floor for the evening. By herself. Amazing abs, but things have really gone down hill since teaming up with Eminem...

Burt Reynolds at 70 years old, the last 50 of which were spent in a tanning bed. Dude had his shirt open to a forest of silver chest hair... a record four buttons undone. Four buttons!

Trader Joe. Dude, I can't make any other excuse for that shirt other than the fact that you work at Trader Joes. And you don't. Also, nice curly rat tail.

Firefighter who opted out of the "Firefighters" speed dating event to come to the "Size Matters" event. (That's right, we went to "Size Matters.") And I quote: "There's nothing better than saving someone's life."

Jersey: Then there was the overweight hedge funder in braces. "Have you ever heard of Hoboken? It's Boston meets NYC." Bwahaha.

Russian bride: Scantily clad woman who aggressively took every number of every man that sat in front of her. Even Trader Joe.

Ladies' bathroom: The woman who tried to speed date KG in line. I had to invite KG into my stall to save her.

The Chronic Dater: Guy was cute, tall, funny, and obviously ready to date 150 of the women in attendance. "I've been doing the online dating thing forever." Probably the best conversation of the night, but it was only had after he bought two other ladies shots. Note: this was 8pm.

KT and KG. Quickly became known as the friendly girls from NC. Sitting in the corner reflecting on the fact we have a good 15 years before we need to do speed dating, we can take comfort in knowing that we were the nice girls.

Full story + illustrated recap to come.