This should be illegal.

So yesterday I went to work. We don’t have casual Fridays because everyday is casual. Which means that overall, I try to look regularly presentable so I don’t allow myself to wear pajamas to work (that was only cool in college, and even then it was questionable.)

I decided to “kick it old school” and go more casual/sporty than normal. Due to the fact that I save everything, especially clothes from every era in the event that there is a theme party that I could potentially not be prepared for, this decision is particularly dangerous.

My wardrobe decisions were all made in silos and not with any evidence of common sense. For example:

“I’ve been eating and drinking non-stop for 2 weeks straight” – enter: elastic jeans (no not the cute and modern day jeggings, but the boot cut light wash ones that look like they were bought at Contempo Casual and have snaps as buttons.)

“I don’t want anything tight” enter: $4 graphic tissue tee from target with some chick on it that looks like a vampire (yeah I get vamps are “topical” but lets not get carried away).

“I need to brighten up a long week” enter: light up sneakers. Yes. Adult light-up Reeboks.

I’ll spare you the tacky jewelry descriptions, but lets just say by midway through the day when I got a good look at myself in the mirror at work, I realized I looked like the juniors section of JC Penny from 1996.

To make matters worse, I went to lunch with 2 co-workers who are several levels above me. As we are walking, one mentions, “are you’re sneakers lighting up?” Up until now I would have always answered that question with a strong “umm YES” along with a large sense of pride for the rare find/general awesomeness. (I mean when I wrote to LA Gear 8 years ago, I learned they did not make adult sizes so finding these “gems” that summer was, well, great.)

But now things were a bit different. I realized I grumbled "yes...yes they are," as I swallowed my pride and tried to play it cool when both co-workers mentioned that THEIR KIDS had them also. They talked about how they loved to wear them and those "silly bands and shoes with skates." I noticed the once over of my outfit and then one of them said, “oh you have the silly bands…too, yeah my kids really love those.” (I didnt have the heart to tell them that my mom bought me heely's in HIGH SCHOOL as a joke, and that yes, I still had them - again due to theme party emergencies...but nothing would make that sound better out loud.)

Needless to say as I tried to transition the conversation back to the multimillion-dollar companies we need to be making decisions for, I felt that I had lost some street cred.

KT: “Wanna meet up for drinks after work?”

Not only did I know I’d get carded but I felt like I’d make anyone older than 21 at the bar feel like they were part of the babysitters club (say hello to your friends).

And I realized at that exact moment something awful: I’m adult. And supposed to be acting like one. And not the 12 year old version of myself.

Oh and KT, a pigeon just pooped on your AC? One just landed on my AC. Looked in the window at me staring back. Then shrieked and flew away.