Dear Hot To Trot,

Ok, ok. I guess the cat's outta the bag.

If I were 15 again, this would def go on the record as a traumarama moment. Except at 15 I would most likely slam my bedroom door, cry, and convince myself my life was over.

At 26, I'm proud to report that there were no tears, no slamming of bedroom doors (although I don't really have one), and no catastrophic thinking (well, maybe for like 5 seconds). I'd like to take this as evidence that I am really growing into a mature and sensible adult. Although I'm pretty sure mature and sensible adults don't refer to attractive men as "Hot To Trot", search and post pics of steamy piles of shit, and consider trashy day sex to be a viable date option. I'd like to think it was all for the blog.

So thank you, HTT, for supporting the blog, allowing it all to come full circle, and most importantly, helping us score a movie deal out of it. Although I can't promise you any cuts, I will make sure you are played by Jared Leto.

Yours Truly,
KP

P.S. Feel free to be our Wednesday guest blogger this week.

TMZ Breaking News: KT Celeb Date #5

Totes just ran into Joseph Gordon Levitt outside my office.

We got caught up in the traffic and he flashed me a look that said the following:

"I'd totally do you if you weren't insanely busy at work and I wasn't all with my friends and probs filming some movie. I'd hate to get all serious and fall in love when I have be back in LA to film our 30 Rock from the Sun reunion next month. But really, you're adorable."

That, my friends, was a five-minute conversation spoken only through adoring looks.

And that, SDers, counts as my Date #5.

JGL + KT = BF/GF 4eva

Didn't make the cut

Here is a compilation of messages received on okcu. Let’s just say these didn’t exactly encourage a response. Please feel free to add to the list, Sixteen Daters!

(We feel kind of guilty about this, but it's funny.)



To CFH:
You look like Jesus running across a snowy field. You know, If Jesus wore boots and was a girl and stuff...

To KP:
hi, young adult books. i went there too, but i listed some in my profile which ones have you read??? hope to hear form you -S
-and then-
2nd try. i sent you a message a while ago asking about young adult books you never got back to me which is fine, but who knows maybe you over looked it or something. so here i am saying hi again hope to hear from you

To KP:
Adventure. I know most people write things on their profile that they don't actually mean (unlike me) but if you truly want an adventure then you should try a tickling session. It's something you've never done before, a great workout, you'll laugh your head off through the entire experience (including snorting which you say you do when you laugh) and it will be the adventure of your life.
-63% Enemy 27% Friend 17%-
the next day. Via instant message.
*tickling your feet right now*

To CFH and KP. On the same day. Verbatim.
-Personal intro (extrapolating details from each of our profiles), then…-
I got back on Thursday night from a 10-day vacation to eastern Europe -- I managed to go out Friday night but I'm still a little jet-lagged -- looking forward to watching HBO tonight. What did you do this weekend?
Best,
A

To CFH:
It would be awesome if we could chat tonight. I just really want to explore my bi and submissive urges with a girl. Let me know if you're interested :)

To CFH:
Hey there how are you! You really caught my attn reading ypur profile and would really love to get to know you, chat wink email fax whatever works, maybe grab an ice cream cone or a cold drink and just enjoy your company.

To CFH:
hey I thought you were special .You seem like a fun and attractive girl. I just took a new job as an assistant golf pro. You seem like a girl that would enjoy a nice guy not one that's out to play games. I just want to make you laugh.

Date Recap: CFH Date #2

How we met:
M and I know each other through a mutual friend. We’ve met in the past but never really hung out one on one. We found each other on okcu (“research” on both our parts) and decided to get a drink.

About him:
M is a radio producer in his late 20s, lives in Clinton Hill. Handsome, charming, smart. He also always seems to be dating someone new.

Date:
Since M was sent the link to this blog by our friend (NOT by me, ladies!), I can’t say much. He promised not to read it, but if I were in his shoes I would probably read it anyway…so…I’ll just say that for some reason I was dreading it, but ended up having a really lovely time. I'm looking forward to round 2, which will hopefully involve tequila. (Because he’s a fan, not because I’m an alcoholic).

Now, for the funniest part of the evening:

Towards the end of the night, he admitted that he’d read our blog and had a confession. I’m blushing, of course, because boys aren’t supposed to read any of this shit. And, a confession?! That doesn’t sound good. Has he read my embarrassing posts and decided there’s no chance he’ll ever be seen with me again? Did he ask me out just to get my numbers up, because he noticed I was trailing on the leaderboard? (I was on vacation! And joined late!, I’m thinking.)

No. He was reading through the blog and realized that he is Midwest Man. Yes, that’s right – of KP Date #3 and possible booty call fame.

I mean, really?!?! Really. Just my luck. Does our rendez-vous even count as Date #2, given our no recycling policy? Comments, please.

Speed dating…

Been thinking about trying out speed dating? My diplomatic but also honest answer: try it. If nothing else, you GOTTA do it for the story.

The first time I did it (speed dating that is) I met a male hooker. I figured there was no where to go but up.

Because I’m exhausted and watching Chelsea lately, I will fill you in on the aftermath and save the actual Speed Date recap for manana.

We got there at 7:30. Started by 7:50 and were done before 9.

Note: There are no places to get food on Canal Street open at 9pm. Not even Burger King.

Consensus: Speed Dating is like shopping at Kohls. It seems like a decent idea but always kinda “eh.”

So after agreeing that everyone was lame but the event was entertaining, we went back to our apartments. Aka I was at the pizza place below my apartment.


KG: (in response to a group text btwn 4 of the 5 sixteen daters) KP, do you remember that guy rich, I think I have him as a maybe? What do you think.

KP: Yeah, I put him as a question mark too. He was a totally decent sweater at Kohls.





Lessons learned:

1. Despite the “decent, but not even that amazing deals,” it’s not time to shop at Kohls.
2. Don’t trust the guy at the pizza place on “his favorite” slice.
3. Pretending that you aren’t going to eat the entire slice before you get to the fifth floor isn’t fooling anyone.
4. Red wine does not cure heartburn.

Oh and detailed character recap coming soon. One dude said he was from Pluto.

Broke down Monday

Several things.

1. We decided to move Mr. Monday to Wednesdays. There is entirely too much weekend Tom Foolery to recap/recover from on a Manic Monday and getting Man-handled via the interwebs (and not the way we all really want/need to be manhandled...well, it wont help matters.)

So get ready for "Wednesday Wake-up call" because it's coming to a blog near you. Aka this one. On Weds.

2. Holy crap. CFH, welcome back to the game.

3. So now that CFH/KP don't need our polite offer, I guess I'm back on the hook for speed dating. Im wearing a half ponytail with twists. Speaking of babysitters club, I look like Dawn (the new-er school one, with Alex Mac)

Also, Im so slammed at work that havent eaten until now. I'm not wearing make up. I just chugged a large Dr. Pepper from Burger King.


And my shoe just broke. But like, forrealz. Oh yeah, and I dont think I can make it home before hand. Which means I'll be rocking 2 different shoes. And I'll be bringing my work laptop.

I am in no way, prepared for waht's about to come...

Update

A couple things:

1. I know I owe a recap of date #1. Coming soon. And, I may be on the repeats leaderboard this week as well.

2. Date #2 is a friend of a friend, and just happens to have been sent this blog's URL by our mutual friend. So...I will not be posting very much about said date. (Why does he know about the blog, you ask? B/c we found each other on okcu, which I explained by saying that I have a dating blog. When he asked our friend about this, she said, "Oh no, Christina doesn't have a blog!" And then I sent her the note a few days later about it, so she forwarded it along, etc. etc. Yes, it is (maybe more than just) mildly embarrassing. So if you're reading this, M -- Hey, I'll see you tonight.

Speed dating upDATE

So CFH and I are gracefully bowing out of speed dating tonight. For good reason. CFH has numba 2 booked for tonight!!!!! Obvi it's way more important for her to get her numbers up than for us to meet a few crazy characters (although would have made for some good blog fodder).

But no worries. To make up for these amazing stories that would have been, we will be going down a different avenue this week to meet men. Coffee shops. There is one in particular CFH knows of that attracts hot men in the film industry. The other one we go to will be somewhere in Brooklyn. And yes, we are doing this together. Stories soon to follow...

Breakup #2

Ok, looks like I'm climbing my way up the breakup leaderboard. (Breakup #1 will live in SD infamy.)

Seriously, if I knew dating meant having to break up with peeps, I would have been more cautious as I plowed my way through the finish line.

The short version: date #3 with Date #3:

*He referenced finding a home and the NYTimes Wedding section more than once.

*He refused to let go of my hand walking down the street and tried to kiss me 37 times.

*He wants to skip all the bullshit and know everything about me. Like, now.

*Why are you hesitant? Are you seeing other people? How did your last relationship end?

*Sent two emails the morning after, including one with "How was your day?"

Writing the breakup email now. Will take any advice I can get.

Bartender followup

Ok at the risk of setting the record for quickest consecutive posts, had to also drop this little story for a little Monday am reading:

So the other day I’m g-chatting with my roommate at work and out of no where, she tells me:

Roommate: oh p.s. - the guy you gave your card to (and totally failed with) at our fave restaurant used to be a hugo boss model.


Me: WHAT?!?!?! How do u know this?

Roommate: Oh, Ben, the manager told us. On Tuesday. (Us = her and her bf – they are oh-so-adorbs so I get excited about any story that involves them out on dates/doing stuff together. This ALMOST distracted me from the issue at hand aka my most recent, well not MOST recent, but one somewhat recent embarassement. Anyway, I digress.)

Me: Did u ask him about the other bartender?

Roommate: No he started talking about his hot bartender. Who flirts with all the ladies. And evidently does pretty well for himself. We assumed it was your guy…
because you have Hugo Boss taste.

Me: Hahahahaha. Quote.

Roommate: Ha, it's the truth!

Me: It is. But sadly, usually Hugo Boss looks don’t come with someone-who-could-be-my-boss brains.

Roommate: Yeah, you’ll know when it’s time to settle.

Wait, but seriously, now I think I really cant go back to my fave place. Criz-ap.

Dear readers who aren’t us….

So I went out for a friend’s bday last night. (Happy belated bday M!!) As we were chatting, one of her friends was like “wait, you are one of the sixteen daters?!?”

I was shocked. Mostly because I didnt realize that anyone we don’t directly know actually READS this blog. I even thought our friends were just lying to be polite. But also because she actually wanted to know more.

Hold UP - our cracked out awkwardness is actually entertaining…and…dare you say, USEFUL? I still don’t believe it/ still singing “you better call on tyrone” from KT’s last post. (Yep just did it again, aloud, at a restaurant. The table of 10 gay men next to me didn’t chime in. Yet are now currently singing along to “yakkety yak…” sigh) Well anyway, we got to talking, and I realized, we haven’t made it quite clear through our babbled convo, HOW we are actually checking off men for this challenge. (L and S, this is all coming soon aka this week).

Now we are no experts, ha we are barely breathing (just wanted the song reference). But a challenge will get any girl moving (yes, there will be more challenges in the future, aka post Sept 15, stay tuned). We are getting together on Tues for our “2 weeks until the deadline/holy shit/how can we get our last dates/BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY/meet and greet the team” meeting.

That’s right. We don’t actually all “officially” know each other. That’s what makes this even more fun. We can yell at/gossip with/exchange stories with, what used to be, strangers.

Bottom line, dating in NYC is great bc you have “so many options.” Aka it blows. But we are trying to wade our way through it and get some learnings along the way. A few things I’ve learned so far:

CFH: missed connections actually works
MB: out of towners are not something to forget about
KP: 1st dates are awkward, but 5th dates are still confusing.
KT: winning “challenges” don’t alleviate need to get laid.

In the end, the sad truths still exist, but we just unsuccessfully try to make it seem a little less shameful:

Me: I feel so gross. I’ve stopped working out (despite saying “moderate” on my profile) and I eat like CRAP. I’ve been trying to do a cleanse since Jan, but I can’t fit it into my social schedule.

KT: the reason I’m getting in the shower is so I don’t go get lunch before noon.

So future daters beware, we still have more to do on this challenge, and future challenges to come…but we are still a hot mess. We sit at home on saturdays and just figure that one day, some guy will like it and put a ring on it.

You can find me in the club....er, couch

Ok, so it is Saturday night and here are the events that have transpired in the past few hours (in order):

1. Hung out with Tennis Pro after a stoop sale with a friend. Totes hot but I think he's asexual. It's a no-go.

2. Ate some leftover dark chocolate bread pudding (which weighs approximately 1 lb in butter alone).

3. Ate some OreIda fries with a generous scoop of mayo.

4. Ate a quesadilla.

5. Watched Bride Wars (yes, I sent out for this on Netflix)

6. Turned down an invitation to go out to some bars with friends.

7. Had the nightly pillow talk with KT.

8. Commented on recent SD posts.

9. Spent an hour on okcu (trying desperately to find date numba 4) and have not found anyone even worthy of a fucking wink.


The worst part (besides the fact that a third of my list involves eating)? I am enjoying my night so far and prefer this over a Saturday night Sixteen Dating in the city. And yes, Sixteen Dates can def be used as a verb.

I'm sorry, I really am

Dear Date #3,

I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm guessing it's best to be honest in these types of situations.

I don't like you.

I mean, you're insanely smart. And witty. And arguably attractive. Kind of. But I'm just not feeling it and I don't know how else to tell you.

So, please stop kissing me on the subway. And the gchatting, seriously, chill the eff out. The Hamptons? A movie in CPark? More drinks? Road trips? No thank you.

Really, I'm not playing hard to get. I really don't want to. This is why I've cancelled, three times.

So, I agreed to meet you tonight since I did, in fact, make you cancel the car and travel plans for the Hamptons. But seriously, this is dunzo.

Friends??

KT

This should be illegal.

So yesterday I went to work. We don’t have casual Fridays because everyday is casual. Which means that overall, I try to look regularly presentable so I don’t allow myself to wear pajamas to work (that was only cool in college, and even then it was questionable.)

I decided to “kick it old school” and go more casual/sporty than normal. Due to the fact that I save everything, especially clothes from every era in the event that there is a theme party that I could potentially not be prepared for, this decision is particularly dangerous.

My wardrobe decisions were all made in silos and not with any evidence of common sense. For example:

“I’ve been eating and drinking non-stop for 2 weeks straight” – enter: elastic jeans (no not the cute and modern day jeggings, but the boot cut light wash ones that look like they were bought at Contempo Casual and have snaps as buttons.)

“I don’t want anything tight” enter: $4 graphic tissue tee from target with some chick on it that looks like a vampire (yeah I get vamps are “topical” but lets not get carried away).

“I need to brighten up a long week” enter: light up sneakers. Yes. Adult light-up Reeboks.

I’ll spare you the tacky jewelry descriptions, but lets just say by midway through the day when I got a good look at myself in the mirror at work, I realized I looked like the juniors section of JC Penny from 1996.

To make matters worse, I went to lunch with 2 co-workers who are several levels above me. As we are walking, one mentions, “are you’re sneakers lighting up?” Up until now I would have always answered that question with a strong “umm YES” along with a large sense of pride for the rare find/general awesomeness. (I mean when I wrote to LA Gear 8 years ago, I learned they did not make adult sizes so finding these “gems” that summer was, well, great.)

But now things were a bit different. I realized I grumbled "yes...yes they are," as I swallowed my pride and tried to play it cool when both co-workers mentioned that THEIR KIDS had them also. They talked about how they loved to wear them and those "silly bands and shoes with skates." I noticed the once over of my outfit and then one of them said, “oh you have the silly bands…too, yeah my kids really love those.” (I didnt have the heart to tell them that my mom bought me heely's in HIGH SCHOOL as a joke, and that yes, I still had them - again due to theme party emergencies...but nothing would make that sound better out loud.)

Needless to say as I tried to transition the conversation back to the multimillion-dollar companies we need to be making decisions for, I felt that I had lost some street cred.

KT: “Wanna meet up for drinks after work?”

Not only did I know I’d get carded but I felt like I’d make anyone older than 21 at the bar feel like they were part of the babysitters club (say hello to your friends).

And I realized at that exact moment something awful: I’m adult. And supposed to be acting like one. And not the 12 year old version of myself.

Oh and KT, a pigeon just pooped on your AC? One just landed on my AC. Looked in the window at me staring back. Then shrieked and flew away.

I need an intervention

And by intervention I mean sex.

After last night's late night action involving a pile of cheese, gravy, and fries at Pommes Frites, I stumble out of bed, throw on a bra, and head to the yoga studio down the street.

Only this morning I opt out of steamy Bikram and instead decide to try a more chill studio on the next block. (The good thing about yoga in the am is you can work out and sleep at the same time.)

So I roll up behind two uber flexible 60-year-olds and am thinking, well, don't have to worry about impressing a potential date #5 today.

Until I see Tyrone. Yes, the yoga instructor's name in Tyrone (you betta caaaall Tyrone), and he is quite possibly the hottest man I've seen in two weeks. (In NYC, that's saying a lot.)

And then he opens his mouth.

Let's just say the next two hours were among the most pleasurable and distracting two hours of any workout I've ever had. That voice, that body, and the way he touched my ass and whispered in my ear to drop my shoulders on my baby cobra... you better believe my Oms were the loudest in the class.

So by the time the session comes to a close I've worked my mat up to be front and center on his standing forward bend. Everyone else is sitting with their eyes closed, meditating, and I've got my eyes focused on Tyrone. Those lips. And that ass.

He catches me looking at him and flashes a smile. Embarrassed, I close my eyes and picture us in a downward facing dog.

"Before you go, I want to share a story with you."

Yesss. Tell me dirty stories, Tyrone. Tell me.

"My wife blah blah bobloblaw blah blah blaaaaah."

I'm sorry, what did you just say?

"Our daughter blaaaaaaah"

Ohhhhkay, you wait until now to tell me this? I seriously just did a handstand for you, you asshole. (Although I must admit the thought of T-bone and his daughter is adorable.)

We were supposed to get milkshakes in the park, get married after five amazing months, and start making babies. I can't believe you did this to me.

And then I realize I'm crazy. I am certifiably crazy. I am exhibiting rare symptoms that are none too familiar for yours truly. Symptoms that can only mean one thing:

I, ladies and gentleman, need to get laid.

While I may have won the race to the top on the leaderboard, I'm 0-4 on the dirty. And as evidenced here, inching closer and closer to full blown desperation.

P.S. Oh, and for those of you keeping tabs, I canceled date #3 with Date #3 to the Hamptons. More to come on this...

P.P.S. A pigeon just took a shit on my air conditioner. Karma is for realz.

Texting

KT is right. I have a lot of stories to get into.

One quick one, before my run:

Remember my awkward, embarrassing story where I kiss my friend (or the other way around) but he tells me he thinkswe should not hook up?

Please see recent text messages, below:

Thursday, 9:49pm - "Hey hey- just getting back to town from work travel. You around tonigh/ this weekend?" (That's almost 10pm on a week night. Why would tonight even be an option?)

Friday, 10:05pm - "Just sitting down to dinner with some friends. Probably going to do some heavy drinking tonight. :) You around? If not, could do a drink tomorrow" (No explanation needed.)

These are not one-time occurrences. How would you interpret this?? Especially after what happened.

Outing CFH

Ok, KP and I had a mini-intervention with CFH last night. And by mini-intervention I mean lots of drinks.

And with lots of drinks come some pretty hilarious stories. CFH, I suggest you start posting. Like, now.

Let's just say this blog has something to do with why CFH is NOT working her way up the leaderboard.

OCI FRIDAY: Aug 27 (Addendum)

CFH is officially on the leader board and no longer rocking double zeros (p.s. there is a whole long conversation thread online about why athletes wear double zero. But, like our blog, is painful to anyone who isnt us/doesn't care so I decided not to post).


However the offer/slight demand to out our speed dating and have 2 lucky ladies be the new KG and KT come monday night....

Oh yeah, and CFH, we need a recap. As you can see, jobs are not an acceptable excuse.

OCI FRIDAY: Aug 27

Crap. It's friday. Crap, its time for the leader board.

Well breaking Sixteen Dates history, KT is the first to date her way over the finish line!!

KT - 4!!!!
KP - 3
KG - 3
MB - 2
CFH - 0

REPEATS

KP - 5?!?! (ok, everyone give your VS free panty mail coupons to KP)
KT - 1
KG - 0
MB - 0
CFH - 0

Also, given the fact that CFH is rockin the double zeros and no longer globe trotting and fraternizing in Canadia, it's time for some drastic measures.

When signing up for the date-a-palooza, we got an additional speed dating event coming up THIS monday. What does that mean? It means that CFH and one of your other lucky ladies should go as KT and KG to the event to catch up with KT at the victory line.

Who's the lucky other taker??

Hairless legs and sexy underwear

About to go on date numba 5 with Cammy. Here's the rub.

First, I bought new pants and a new pair of shoes today and I am wearing both tonight. I don't have a job.

Secondly, I am already sick of shaving my legs more often than once a month.

Third, I am running out of sexy underwear. I mean, I only have like 5 pairs before it turns to nasty old cotton underwear from target (you know, the kind sold in packs of 5). He's in for a rude awakening if we make it to date 6.

Oh No

More to come later.

However - Currently in a client meeting (15 of them + about 10 Colleagues) - and they've asked if i can show the blog at the lunch break.

just sayin'

xoxo
MB

SD Emergency!

Ok, so Date #3 (the gchatter) wants to take me to the Hamptons this weekend.

Just for the day, but still.

We've only gone on one date. Is it acceptable to have Date #2 as a roadtrip to the Hamptons?!

Also, making inroads on the repeats leaderboard.

Please advise. ASAP.

Date #3 Recap: Nice.

Ok so I aint no KT, understandably gloating her victory, or Kate Winz accepting an Oscar, but I’ve successfully completed THREE of the four dates and the finish line is so close I can TASTE it’s deliciousness. Or maybe it’s the oatmeal raisen cookie I just ate.

In any case, the date was nice. He was nice. Really nice. I mean, he’s Canadian.

We met at brunch. I was late, hung over, and had taken a mystery pill that I thought, at the time, was extra strength Advil.* Also when I got there, I realized I didn’t remember what he looked like. Awesome start.

I saw the nice, slightly overwhelmed guy in the corner, which was (luckily) him. Conversation was light and easy. He told me all about the touristy things he had done in NYC so far (which embarrassingly, was much more than me).

His sincerity was endearing and from my perspective, entertaining.

Him: “Check out this awesome thing I got” aka a laminated map with subway and bus schedule.

Or things like, “Have you heard of this group before? The guys wear tank tops with stripes and I don’t think they are allowed to wear socks. They also often wear shorts, but that are jeans"

Me: "Jorts."

Him: "Wait what?"

Me: "Jorts."

Him: Blank stare

Me: "Never mind, jeans that are shorts, keep going..."

Him: "It’s very strange, they are called…hipsters? And I think I live in their breeding ground. And I tried to be really friendly at a bar, and I really stand out. (Looks at my tank dress with large stripes) Oh wait…are YOU a hipster? I don’t mean it in an offensive way at all…”

I assured him that I wasn't but told him to try not washing his hair for a few days and avoiding khakis and that he might have a better shot. Thne he also showed me a metal notepad holder he was quite proud of in which he was able take note of things, like the address of the restaurant (he showed me for proof) or was able to do sketches of things he found curious. I then held up my metal notepad aka my IPHONE. (I immediately took a pic knowing you guys wouldn't believe this unless I showed you):



Here was an unidentified sign he found on the subway.

Him: “I know the first is ‘no smoking,’ obviously, the second ‘throwing away juggling’ but I cant figure out this heart one…” The best and worst part was that I couldn’t detect Canaidian humor/sarcasm so it was hard to know when to laugh at the joke or feel really sad if it wasn’t a joke.

When switching locations, a torrential downpour occurred. Despite our efforts to share an umbrella (which always seems to work in movies), the entire left side of by body was SOAKED. I had straightened my hair for the night before – ha, for other plans, obvi. Would never dream of that much effort for the date, is that sad? – anyway, when it somewhat dried I had one side of me with curly hair, a see through top and wrinkled skirt and the other side with my hair looking like the scary chick from the ring, and a regular outfit on.

All in all, definitely had an enjoyable time, despite ending the date looking like The Joker. Brunch and then a few drinks down the street. I don’t really feel like there was a huge (aka any) romantic connection, but it was nice to meet someone new.

* (Also, I learned later through some investigatory work from MB that the “mystery pill” was actually extra strength Mucinex. This explains why I was SO thirsty to the point of nausea.)

Cock but no tails

Dating is a big. hot. mess. For those readers (all 4 of you) who may be thinking single ladyhood is all shits and giggles, I would say it's more shits than giggles. Case in point.

Last night during pillow talk with KT (which occurs most nights of the week), we got the idea that I should text Hot to Trot Midwest Man the following message around 11:40 am today:

4pm cocktails? My place.

The goal is pretty clear, right? KT advised me to wear a skirt because the minute Hot to Trot walked through that door I would proceed to straddle him on the couch with cocktail in hand.

Nothing is hotter than day sex. Or is nothing sadder than flagrant desperation?

More importantly, am I really considering this? If my number on a piece of paper reeked of prostitution, then I can't even imagine what this reeks of...probs more shit than giggles.

KG with: The Dilly-yo

Date 1: Kinda played me
Date 2: Kinda complicated (Despite a great start)
Date 3: Kinda Canadian

Ok despite me really trying to work a De La Soul reference in here (Three Dates Down and Rising?) I think Paula Abdul said it best…

Eagle’s calling and he’s calling your name.
Tides are turning bringing winds of change.
Why do I feel this way.
The promise of a new day.

That’s right homies. It’s a new day, which brings new opportunities. And these new opportunities do not include the guy I kept noticing at work (who I was suuure shared a few looks or “moments” in passing). And then we finally had a meeting together. (secret self fist pump) And then I finally noticed his wedding ring. My pride quickly B-lined out of that fantasy.)

So what brings this change in tune or cracked out optimism you ask? Well, I didn’t fall down in the shower this morning, so the day is already starting out much better than yesterday.
My roommate this morning offered to get me this throwback

Plus, JT just whispered “would you be my girlfriend?” in my ear, so I think I’m set. (Fine fine, I’m listening to “bubble gum pop” on Pandora. Again.)

So to Mr. date numba four, four just happens to be lucky number, so look out.

On kissing

Ok, so I think we all know by now that I'm not terribly shy. In fact, SD has been a therapeutic outlet for my habitual oversharing. (My apologies.)

And I'm not talking just oversharing ridiculous stories. I can also overshare the love. (My mom says I'm a very loving person.)

On first dates, however, I'm not stupid. I definitely try to limit sharing of any kind -- surprise, oversharing isn't always attractive and/or welcome -- to a minimum.

But when you're a few drinks in and he's looking hotter than he did when you walked in two hours ago, he's getting all touchy and cute and he finally goes in for the kiss, you can't really deny the sharing of the love. I mean, that would be cruel.

But those first date kisses can be disastrous. For the boys that read this (like, the two of you), please take note. For the girls, find comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Some notes on my most recent first date kisses:

*If we've spent more than 4 minutes on the street corner awkwardly talking at the end of the night, you need to either just go for it or go home. Seriously, don't wait for the cab to pull up. It's just not the same when the cabbie is watching and the meter is running.

*Also, I'd really rather you not escort me home in the cab. I think I'll be just fine. If you want to make out, either go for it on the street like a real/desperate man, or wait until date 2.

*If I can't tell whether you're going in for my cheek, lips, tongue or forehead, probably not a good thing.

*If I somehow misread the cues, or if you misread that I just really don't want to kiss you, let's just play it cool and part ways. Please don't run in the other direction. (True story.)

*Lastly, unless you can tell we're just not into this, you should really just kiss me... I mean us. Really. I'd make the first move, but I'm not trying to be all Slut McGee on Date 1.

I'm saving that for Date 2.

Update on #3 & #4

Congrats KT on being the first to cross the finish line. Well deserved win!

Now you must cheer the rest of us as we hobble across the line.

Ok so working on dates three and four. So far date number three is looking like it's going to be a set up by JB and SP. SP has been trying to get me on date with this guy for quite some time. Now what she's introduced him to JB and JB has approved - they're now teaming up against me. He's a fabulous man, good looking, solid job, very funny, charismatic etc and I know this would be an absolutely fun date. However in typical girl fashion - There is a MAJOR character trait that I cannot overcome. So big deal right - its just a date, it just gets me closer to to the finish line - its not like I'm going to marry the guy - right?

Date #4 - I feel like date #4 is going to have to be via online dating. I have yet to tread the waters of the OK Cupids/Match.com's and the like - so I feel like I owe the blog and men of these various communities a once over. It also helps that Mr. Monday posted about this yesterday and removed a lil bit of the insecurity of how to guide myself through all this - so we'll see. I have no doubt that I can provide a response more witty than "everything is bigger in Texas".

I just need to remind myself that this can't be worse than broken locks or bugs!

cheers
MB

Suckas

I'd like to thank the Academy. My brilliant fellow bloggers. The development team at OkCupid. The relentless support of my friends and family.

This is for all of you who told me to put down the Doritos and get dressed for my date already. The hot new dress that successfully converted dates 3 and 4 to repeats. The diner down the street that nurses my hangover while getting the full morning-after download. The readers who think this shit is funny.

Thank you all. I wouldn't be here without you.

Mr. MONDAY on: Making the first move

Trying to be a good sport after being asked to be a guest blogger on SixteenDates, I thought it might be interesting for you all to see how other women are making the first move in the online dating world, so I created a free trial account on Match.com to see what would come of it.

Within the first couple days, I had a couple of interesting emails that, surely against their will, I’ve decided to share with you all to see the approaches other fish in the sea are taking.

THEIR EMAIL:
SUBJECT: (none)

Team of Rivals is an amazing book! I read that around the same time that I read Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer. Also great, if you are on a Lincoln kick. I think that it's awesome that you are into climbing. I have wanted to get into climbing for a while now and haven't had the chance. If you know of a great place to learn in NYC, please share!

So, a little about me, I work in finance. My job is crazy intense and don't have much free time. I spend what time I do have working out and seeing friends. On weekends, I try to get outside as much as possible and love going for long bike rides. Otherwise, I am a pretty regular girl - love hanging out with friends, dancing, eating good food. I have been able to travel fairly extensively and am getting the travel itch again, which is unfortunate because I won't be able to take vacation for a while.

Best,

L

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
PRO
This is by far the best one, not only because she obviously knows about the oh-so-sexy Honest Abe, but because it shows she can probably discuss more than Justin Bieber at dinner.

CON
1. Tactically, there isn’t something to keep the conversation going – a direct question or hook.

2. Everyone in NYC is busy and it isn’t great to highlight that you have the travel bug but don’t have time to travel.

(NOTE: I actually wrote her back and it turns out she’s went to Tufts (so did I), works at 48th and 8th (I live at 49th and 9th), and studied Mechanical Engineering (so did I).



THEIR EMAIL:
SUBJECT: but everythings bigger in TEXAS!

Times are a changin and its time for you to get your BIG TEX on! Haha. have you ever been to Dallas? I've never been to NY but have always wanted to go.

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
PRO
Duh.

CON
None, except that this gem lives 1500 miles away.




Subject: (none)

i really love your profile. feel free to email me=)

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
Nice compliment about the profile and the invitation to email her is welcoming, but if you’re going to initiate the conversation, you should do it with a little more gusto than just saying “feel free to impress me.”



THEIR EMAIL:
Hi
I think I am over your age bracket but thought I would try it anyway...
I love to surf.. although have not done it for a while and thought we had some stuff in common

S

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
DANGER: You’re entering cougar country.




Subject: (none)
What happened to the girl from the inauguration? Did she invite you to that thing because I noticed "politics" isn't listed as one of your interests or profession.

And by the way, you're very attractive.

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
She seems cute enough and I obviously loved the last line. But the first sentence raised some serious jealousy red flags by immediately asking about ex-girlfriends (though that’s probably partly my fault for posting a picture with a girl in it).




Not really sure what I'm supposed to say here, but...how was your week? How did you pick up ice-climbing?

C

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
I actually liked this one. Simple and straight forward. And she’s from London!




Subject: So ...
are you really living in NYC? I'm confused because you came up under my filter in Chicago?

K

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS:
I’m confused also…

Bottom Line:
The majority of the people who emailed had the exact same response about how they always wanted to try rock climbing (had a picture of me climbing) and how they like to travel. Some of them were literally almost identical, word for word.

I guess it’s difficult to craft a good first impression based upon a poorly structured paragraph or two and a few pictures, but I think the most important thing is that they went out on a limb to say hello. My attitude towards everyone who emailed changed when I knew that they had some interest in me.

Do any of you ladies have any secrets for making the first move online?

-- Mr. Monday

For any questions or comments for this week's Mr. Monday or to get in the running to be a future Mr. M, please send inquiries to sixteendates (at) gmail.com. See you next Monday. Or, I guess, MAN-day (thanks C!)

Introducing: Mister Monday

Every week, Monday brings a lot to the table. Dread, anxiety, weekend recaps and those last few minutes of your morning commute where you pretend not to see your coworker as you walk in so you can enjoy the last few minutes of uninterrupted iPod until the week really starts. So among all the mayhem and madness these Monday’s bring us, it’s time for Monday to really deliver on what we need: MEN.

It was decided that among all this estrogen, we needed to bring in a little male perspective every now and again (aka every Monday) to keep us honest.

That’s right ladies, keep your pants on was we introduce our very first guest blogger, this week’s Mr. Monday. He is Sixteen Dates’ most eligible bachelor and about to tell to tell it like it is.

So whether it’s generic advice, a little Q&A, or response to past posts, let’s hear it for the boys…

And you're not gonna reach my telephone

So I'm drinking some wine right now alone in my apt (the same bottle I had last night while watching Secretary alone in my apt) and am regretting calling Cameron 4 hours ago.

My plan was to invite him out to a "casual" night out with friends in Central Park to see Fame this week. I basically invited a bunch of my friends and told them they had to come and laugh at all of my jokes.

Cameron didn't answer. And I left a short and sweet voicemail telling him I had a proposition for him (but no mention of what it was). It's four hours later and still. no. response.

Shit. KT, I know you said a phone call wasn't too girlfriendy, but I'm thinking it may have been too much for Cammy to handle...

He's probs on a Sundate RIGHT NOW.

Third time's the charm?

I know I'm very late in posting this, considering this date took place last Thursday. I'm really not sure what to make of it. Except that it counted as my third date.

Highlights of the date:
1. Midwest Man was HOT TO TROT. I'm pretty sure people don't say that anymore but I need to make sure you understand he is hotter than any other guy I have ever even spoken to. Ever.

2. He referenced a "modern day Jordan Catalano" in a conversation about "our" (can I say our?) fav tv show, Friday Night Lights. Double points.

3. He has a car (probs named Red, after me, of course).

4. Every time he looked to the side (probs checking out girls hotter than me) I could not get over the perfectness that is his profile.

5. He responds to all texts and emails in .2 seconds.

Where it gets hairy:
1. He is too hot for me. And way too cool for school. Totally intimidating.

2. When he arrived he just came over to me, sat down, looked aloof and bored, and was like, "What's up." No introductions. Nothing.

3. We hung out at a coffee shop for an hour and a half. That's a long time, right?

4. We hung out at a coffee shop. That's totally saying, "I'm just squeezing you into my day. You're probably ugly. I have 10 other dates lined up this week."

5. We left it at, let's hang out sometime soon. I think it was more of a nicety on his part than anything.

What to take away:
I can see him contacting me to hang out next week. Orrrrrrr I can totally see him never talking to me again. I'm totes the Claire Danes in this situation.

Rain Delay

The Sundate always sounds like a good idea when you plan it.

Don't waste a perfectly good Friday or Saturday outing on what may or may not be a successful date. And there's something about weekend dates that makes boys that much more aggressive. I know you don't have work tomorrow, neither do I. But that doesn't mean I'm going home with you.

Also, we're not trying to look desperate here. I mean, our Saturday nights are booked through November. (Read: ate entire bag of popcorn while streaming Netflix on my couch last night.)

I, however, have just cancelled my second Sundate in a row. I'm blaming half on what's clearly an official Rain Delay (hair's looking rough), and the other half on the realization that I don't want to get all made up, take a cab in the rain, and meet you on the Lower East Side for a drink at 9pm. 9pm! That's, like, an hour from bedtime!

Instead, I come in from the rain, bypass the huge presentation I'm supposed to be preparing for tomorrow, bypass the scheduled run in the park (thank you, rain), and blog.

Kudos to KG for completing her second official Sundate. I'm 0 for 2.

That said, I'm 3-4, and rescheduled Date #4 for tomorrow night. Get the champagne flutes ready at the finish line...

Preparing for a date, fail #3

So after previous post, instead of fixing my toilet or hangover, I just crawled back in bed.

Cue, 12pm. 30 minutes until it's time to leave for my date. Time to get up, shower, etc. Instead, I called one of my best friends to discuss the made for TV christmas movie I discovered last night and my astonishment that neither one of us knew about it. 15 minutes later, convo ended and I realized I was slightly behind. So prep went like this:

1. No time to think about outfit, aka wear outfit from date #1
2. No time to shower, aka lots of perfume
3. Battle to take off last night's makeup. I lost.
4. Crap KG, don't decide to do your eyebrows pre-date, esp in a time crunch. (Note, silver eyeshadow does not cover up any redness)
5. Out of advil. There was some mysterious pill in the bottle though that said 600. Hope that isn't bad?
6. Dont forget umbrella.

I'm excited for this date. No, like really excited because I've had to pee all morning and couldnt bc of said broken toilet.

p.s. just realized my date is in 2 minutes.

Stressed Out Sundate

Despite the success of last week's Sundate, I haven't really heard from him. I've seen him once, but only because we have mutual friends. So a full week later and no "when can I see you again?!?" Oh well.

So now it's Sundate #2 which is actual date #3. That's right leaderboard and KP, look out!

It's my date with the Canadian and it's already kicked off to a hilarious start. When I met him, KT and I offered to show him around NYC, give him the lay of the land. So when he emailed me, I decided, what better way then what New Yorkers (aka my friends, none of which are actually from NY) care about most: booze brunch. Here's a few snippets of emails back and forth in preparation:

Him: Lunch in Chelsea sounds great. I have been to the Chelsea Market and I am in love with Hale and Hearty soup.

Me: Ok I cant believe that out of ALL of Chelsea market, what you remember is Hale and Hearty. Shameful!

We can work on that. There is actually a really good BRUNCH place there, but sometimes its suuuper crowded. That's something you will learn quickly. NYC brunch is not. a. game. People take brunching, especially booze brunching, quite seriously. It's almost like a sport.

Him: Whats wrong with Hale and Hearty? I had the chicken pot pie soup and I had to go back for more. Is that a chain in NYC?

Brunch is something totally new to me. We don't do that much in Canada, so I have to learn. I thought brunch was a mid-morning thing to. Can you even do it in the afternoon and call it brunch? As far as boozing goes, its not even legal to sell alcohol before 12PM where I am from.

Me: (after giving him a few options with the NYmag links - clearly) Oh yeah, and in NYC brunch hour is anywhere from 11-3. Oh and also, there is a strong chance its going to be a little crazy when we get there. One place in the LES sometimes has like a 1.5 hour wait. It's bananas.

Him: This sounds very intimidating. I thought this brunch was supposed to be a low-key, laid back, Sunday morning thing! Everything in New York seems backwards. Where are all the quiet little places from the movies?

Me: I called ahead - to try to minimize the crowd/waiting so you dont completely panic. p.s.s. in movies they totally clear out all the real ppl and make it seem nice and cozy.

Him: Is brunch a dress-up kind of thing? Should I get out my tux? p.s. I called ahead and told them we would be filming a movie tomorrow, so that should clear out the place.

Ok so now lets fast forward. It's 10:45 am. I have to meet my date in 2 hours. I'm ridiculously hung over. And have discovered that my toilet is broken. To make matters more interesting, it's raining. So not only is my suggested "walk on the highline" out of the pic, but my flat ironed hair is gonna be a hot mess-ery.

So a public apology in advance to my stressed out Canadian. Sorry for the fact that I am probably still drunk, dragging you to the most crowded activity of the weekend, may look a mess while asking you how you can fix my toilet. Oh yeah, and sorry for telling you a tuxedo was acceptable to wear to brunch.

Date Recap: KT #3

I want to first thank KP for the motivational support that came in the form of this week's OCIFriday leaderboard. Until now, my focus has been on getting dates, not keeping them.

That said, I'd like to report that Friday's date was a success. And I've already got a second date in the works. More to come on this, but first, a full recap of Date #1 with Date #3. (This is going to get confusing.)

As evidenced with Juggles and Tumbles, I like my dates with a few quirks. Date #3 came with enough to make for great conversation. Realizing my fellow SDers may not find this of equal interest, bear with me.

An overview of the evening's topics of discussion:

*The 14th Amendment (30 minutes)

*How one can do PostDoc work at 18. At Harvard. (still not sure on this one)

*Crime rate and relative deprivation in New Haven, CT and Durham, NC

*The Cosbys and effective ways to promote racial understanding amongst toddlers

*The story of Sodom and Gomorrah (Christian v Jewish translation)

*The relative merits of dormitory life (there are none)

*What to do when you suddenly have millions at 20 years of age

*The U.S. Constitution (via the iphone app)

*How often our parents do it

Also, there was an awkward getting-in-cab kiss on cheek/lip thing that happened.

You guys jealous, or what?

Creatively Dating. Creatively Dissed.

Ok so with this being the “new age” of dating and all, we are obviously on all kinds of sites, trying new things and new ways to meet people.

The lowdown
I get a message from this chick on one of the sites I’ve tried. She basically plays matchmaker for singles in NYC. Oh yeah and it gets published.

So I think, sure, why not.

I go to the office, take a quick pic and she tells me she’s got a great guy she thinks I’ll be super interested in and asks my schedule the next week. And then that was the last I heard.

What happened next
Since I was 2-4 and nearer than farther from the finish line, I decided to go back to my email chain with her this week and push my pride to the side (well farther to the side than it already is) and follow up. In one of her emails she had included a link. I clicked on the link which clicked on my mortification.

There it was. A picture of me, 2 other girls and my potential date. It’s like a mini “The Bachelor” on crack. He gets pics and profiles of 3 honeys, and makes his choice.

Things that make you go hmm, or, OMFG:
1. First line of my description: She is easy like a Sunday morning. Sure, I told ‘em I loved brunch. But the header “She is easy” is italicized. Crap.
2. The boy is a male nurse (Greg’s a male nurse) with ridiculously over groomed eybrows.
3. The fact that I haven’t been contacted, means he didn’t pick me. And he’s a male nurse.
4. The other candidates are a 21 year old or an auditor, 24.
5. I just got out picked by someone YOUNGER than me, one of which may not have been able to legally drink 2 weeks ago. I’m too young to be worrying about younger girls, that’s what our 30’s and 40’s are for.
6. All of this is online and in print where people I know or could meet in the future can see.

So clearly I send this mortified update to a few of my girls and get the typical

“Ew, he’s not even cute.”
“You should be so GLAD he didn’t pick you.”

And all the appropriate banter.

Then C comes to a little revalation. There’s a poll on the bottom. She decides to vote for me. And then we see THIS:


SIX percent?!?!?! Ok getting rejected by Cindy Crawford’s eyebrows in scrubs is one thing, but six percent approval from the REST of society?? Holy Fail Blog.

Ok, but percentages are always scued. I mean probably only like 5 ppl took the survey. EIGHTY SIX?? FIVE VOTES out of EIGHTY six. Well really 3. 2 of them came from my friends.

CFH: I just voted and now you're up to 9%. That's something.

In any case, this epic fail prompted us to add an even more useless blog as a shout out to some emails from a few friends expressing that this blog has now become an extreme time suck (for better and worse). So ladies, take a vote, here's hoping for six percent...

Off the deep end

So it finally happened. I spilled red wine on the white couch. Ok so maybe not the “white” couch. Our couch is now, an unfortunate shade of pink.

Last week I had to send an email to my roomate’s boyfriend:

Title:
Do not be alarmed…

Subject:
…when you come to our apt on Saturday night, and our couch is PINK. No, a burglar did not break in and tie die the couch. It's a long story. Well, its not really, I basically apparently can’t do laundry. But there is vod in the freezer and olives in the fridge. See you both next week.



Last week the couch changed because of domestic stupidity. This week, because I am sitting at home on a Friday night watching/renting an embarrassing movie and just got lazy.

To make matters worse, I am not only watching a Rom-Com, but a really bad one. “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” (classic). “Guess who?” (comedy). “Family Wedding” (The knock off of the remix that I can’t believe/am sadly satisfied that I just paid $4.99 for).

I also hate how much this ridiculously stereotypical movie only reminds how much I truly love and am obsessed with Mariachis.

To top it all off, today, my diet has consisted of: Fruit, 4 giant cookies, 7 spoonfuls of rotel dip, a Corona light, ½ bag of chips, 2 glasses of wine, 2 string cheeses, a few (FINE, more than a few) spoonfuls of Ben and Jerry’s.

So I’m officially off the deep end, in every respect. But thankfully, not literally, or else I’d sink.

And they call Friday night "date night...."

Cue the conscience

I'm t minus 30 minutes from meeting Date #3 and I am terrified.

Not about how I look or how it will go. And not about whether or not this will finally land me on the repeats leaderboard.

But terrified that somehow, some way, said Date found this blog and read my insensitive posts about his emails, why I cancelled our first scheduled outing, or how I even scored this date.

For the record, I really am a nice person. I promise.

Updates to come.

Hold up, repeats?!

I need some clarity on the repeats.

Since we're all going to make the 4-4 challenge well before the September 15 deadline, are we now focusing on repeats?

If so, I'll be on my best behavior for this weekend's two dates.

Totally different strategy if the end goal is longevity over quantity.

Also, did I just refer to a dating "strategy"????

OCI FRIDAY: Aug 20

That's right ladies. Back by popular demand (aka 1 guest blogger) and the fact that like it or not, we need a gut check, here is the Oh Crap It's Friday leaderboard/status.

LEADER BOARD

KP - 3
KT - 2
KG - 2
MB - 2
CFH - 0

REPEATS

KP - 3
KT - 0
KG - 0
MB - 0
CFH - 0

Ok, KP is kicking everyone's ass like whoa. CFH, understandably, being abroad, while wonderful and full of paninis, has its dating limitations. But now that you are stateside, it's time to get things in gear and, well, you know, hurry the junk up!

Date #2 Update

KT - I first want to apologize about not posting within 24hrs of the previous dates. However - I still like your interpretations of how my mornings are spent then the actual series of events.

Top Line Summary - (this is sick - I'm actually feel like I'm writing a conference report of my evening. We work too much)

1. This probably shouldn't count as a date because I've known the guy for a few years and we've been friends for a bit, however because I need to cross the half way mark - I'm counting it - and KG has also confirmed that it can count.

2. We spent most of the night discussing dating/how stupid most girls are and how to know when you really love someone (and how that definition varies from person to person) Don't worry ladies - i don't' feel that you fit into any of the stupid girl categories we discussed. Overall it was a pretty successful evening for the clear takeaways on dating and silly things girls do that mess up a relationship - which are always entertaining and intriguing to hear from a dude's perspective. Maybe I'll ask him to guest blog - he wouldn't hold anything back, however might scare the readership a bit - we'll have to discuss

I left with some insider tips and a good buzz. Next time he's in town - I'll get him all drunk and will force him into posting.

xoxo

Online dating? Or online faking?

Ok I hear KT’s point on the online flirting. I’m like, lets just get TO the DATE already and figure out if we are gonna get this show on the road. Online is just like a new gateway in, a way to check people out that you might not get a chance to see in the real world.

The problem is, online, there is always the risk of going on a date with someone’s profile vs. the person they actually are. Because, lets be honest, sometimes ALL the facts up front just overwhelming. So where do you draw the line online?

Last time I was brutally honest, it backfired. On a scale of 1(never) to 5 (often) how much do you drink? Easy, 5. (Ok, the only person I lie to about this is my doctor. She’s so nice that I don’t want her to worry.) 3 minutes into a first date, I get confronted about my “drinking problem.” Jigga wha? I was telling this to my boss this ridiculous confrontation and he was like, “Wait, you put yours on five? Don’t do that, it just looks bad.” Yikes.

So then the other day, C, my work partner (THIS also goes over well when I try to explain that “yes, I have a partner. No, no, she’s a work-partner. Well, yes she’s a girl. No she’s not my actual partner. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that! I just don’t play for that team…” Needless to say this banter is always a “delight.” Even my mom gets awkward talking about it.

Anyway, upon seeing one of my online dating profiles, she paused for a while and looked at me:

C: “…but you don’t have bangs.”

Me: “Right. It’s my best picture.”

Awkward silence when we both realize I have not had bangs for about 6 months.

C: “…but, well…you don’t have bangs.”

Crap. If THAT’s false advertising then I’m in biiig trouble. And I should definitely stop wearing all the extra-padded bras my mom just bought me.

On email flirting

Not a fan.

Seriously, I haven't even gone out with you yet. The back-and-forth is witty and charming. I'll give you that.

But please, hold off on the gchat until at least date #3. This ain't a chat room circa 1998. (Cue dial-up sound.)

Our first official date is tomorrow night and I feel like I'm already eight months into a relationship that hasn't even started. (Note to avid readers, this is dude from the party a few weeks back.)

How do you politely tell someone that you don't want to tell them how your day was?!

KG, I threw in the RomCom photo just for you. I've actually never seen "You've Got Mail," but by the looks of that giant keyboard and the AOL ref, I'm guessing Tom and Meg did some online dateage.

Twelve years later, look where we are.

Behind

Yikes, ladies, I am so behind. It doesn't really matter who's first as long as we all reach the goal by Sept. 15...right?! My goal is to have 2-3 dates by next Friday. Fingers crossed.

Date #2 in 1hr

Completly took me by surprise! AHHH - I am not dressed for this.

Running home now to change and prep - will blog more later!

xoxo ladies

Numba 3

Going on date #3 in t-10 minutes, bitches! It's with Midwestern Man. KT, it's going to be a close call...

Will update with the deets as soon as I return.

Thank God for the Princess Pack

Pimpin aint easy, but it sure is fun. At least that’s what I’ve heard from many non-pimps. But I’ve realized that its not the actual dating or even pimping that’s hard. It’s GETTING the dates. I guess I assumed I wasn’t trying. And that once I did, it would all fall into place. I mean I stopped wearing my headphones at coffee shops and EVEN on the subway, isn’t that enough to get a little love?

Enter awkward online dating and crazy “only in NYC” approaches to meet and greet. Most recent tale, coming soon. Let’s just say it involves 3 girls, a male nurse, and rejection.


At this point, I’m just banking on getting dates from people asking me “what shape are your silly bands?” Thank you to my 11 year old niece, for giving me the stiletto, crown and magic wand with glitter, while keeping the awesome grown-up shapes for yourself. I’m sure this will give me tons of street cred...

Eat, Pray, Post

Two of those three things now consume 93 percent of my weekly routine.

The other 7 percent? Dating.

Off balance, you say?

Oh hellllsno.

Because despite the recent breakup and subsequent date exhaustion, I'm boutsta pass y'all on the way to the finish line. See: woman in white.

That's right, I've got two dates lined up this weekend. And this time I've learned to space those babies out so I can adequately nurse hangover from Date #3 before jumping all cute into Date #4.

So pick up the pace and mark your calendars for Monday. If I'm lucky, I'll be crossing that finish line and doing a few laps on the repeats leaderboard while I wait for you suckas.

Love,

KT

La France

It’s harder to get a date in France than you might think.

Going on vacation with my family certainly has its benefits, but socializing with handsome men between the ages of 24 and 40 is not one of them. (Yes, I realize that’s a large age gap.)

Case in point: earlier this week night, we are invited over to the house of a famous French artist and neighbor for “aperatifs” (cocktails). “We” consists of my mother, her boyfriend, his granddaughter (O, 14) and my little brother (T, 17). O, T and I were introduced as “les enfants” (literally, the children) then dismissed before dinner so they could have a party “entre adultes.” I guess being 26 still qualifies as being a child if you’re not married?

Also, my supposed “ night out” in St Tropez with my NYC roommate was slightly compromised when she invited my little brother to come to her house to have a proper French meal with the entire family. He almost backed out when I stalled the little blue Peugot three times in a row earlier in the day, but signed back on once I was given permission to take the bigger, automatic car instead. Which meant, Frenching a Frenchman was not in my cards for the evening. (But honestly, I was happier to have a fun night with my brother than kiss a stranger and get my 1.5 dates. Yes, really.)

This dilemma leaves me with the following date options:
1. The poolboy. Or poolman, shall we say. I got a quick look at him today and am not sure if the shirtless look and closely-shaved haircut is hot or trashy.
2. Someone from the local marché (will have to “shop” for this along with fruits, legumes, poulet). Maybe on of the cheese vendors, as inspired by KT? Or a meat man?
3. The 20-year old, American Pratt student with questionable sexual orientation we had dinner with last night.

Hmm, I’m thinking that none of these options are viable, especially since I am leaving tomorrow. I’m just going to have to go on a dating frenzy when I’m back from France and Canada. (And try not to feel too pathetic as a result of tomorrow’s leaderboard.)

Casual dating. Fail.

Casual dating, schmasual dating. For realz.

Last night I went on a fourth date with Cameron and we had the inevitable okcu/past relationships convo.

Realization? I am not a casual dater. I don't want to wait another week to see him again. But of course you can't say these things in the cas dating world. The convo went more like, "I'm having fun, I like hanging out with you, let's see where this goes..." blah blah blah, when really all I wanted to say was, "Let's hang out every day and be bf gf" (yes, i still use the term bf gf when referring to relationships).

He paid for din, held my hand while walking in public (!), invited me over to his apt, cuddled, got a morning coffee with me. These are all bf things in my book. But alas, my book is outdated (ha, no pun intended).

I think KT put it best this am.

KT: i'm beginning to have respect for social norms circa 1950. like when it was just not okay to see someone and sleep with them before you've already got them to commit to something bigger. because that would make things so much easier.

Reason #53892863 for needing a BF

Grrr! Again this morning the universe has sent me a sad, frustrating and expensive reminder of why it's always nice to have a man around.

After primping and completing the morning routine- I grab my keys to start another balmy NYC day.

Well untill my door lock fell apart into 27 pieces into my hand! What does a girl do?

Well. I'll tell you what this girl did- in this order:

1. Email boss that a 9am arrival is not in the cards
2. Call locksmith
3. Dial into a conference call that of course was not on my calendar and was another joy of a surprise
4. Called my dad to see if he could fix it- he's my dad, that's what he is charged with. Even if he is 1000 miles away
5. Logged in via iPhone to the blog to immediatly post about it

hope you ladies are having better days!

The breakup

It's all fun and games until you get kicked out at 3am.

He was an architect. A Harvard boy. Well, a 37-year-old boy. A funny, thoughtful, and incredibly attractive boy. We met at a gala. He was on the Board. I know, I know...

Why is he still single, you ask?! Read on.

I mean, I knew it was coming, but somehow I thought I could drag this bad boy out a little longer. I'm talking trips to Paris, Dubai, really good wine, even better conversation, and of course, late night action.

Instead, super fun dates and endless witty banter were quickly followed by a formal inquisition involving a Facebook photo review (he's 37, this is all new), some Google stalkage on his part, an analysis of past relationships, and yes, even talk of children.

Which one was your boyfriend?

How did it end?

What are you looking for?

Why don't you trust me?

It all came to a dramatic end when I snuck out of the steamy East Village dance party on Saturday night (apologies, KG) to show up on dude's doorstep circa 1am. It takes a good man to get me to the Upper East Side at any time, much less 1am.

Note to self: Red flags #823-6 -- he lives on the UES. In an immaculately designed apartment. That he bought. When he was 26.

-------

The breakup went a little something like this:

Him, sober and sick at home: Come over. I miss you.

Me, drunk and making out with unknown person on dance floor: Ummmm what time are you going to bed? (Read: MJ is playing. I need at least 30 more minutes here.)

The arrival, the activity/conversation that followed, and just when I lost my bra are all a little fuzzy. Let's just say I might have brought up his control issues. And that I didn't believe a word he said. (There's some validity here.) And reading back through drunken texts, I also told him he was old.

But then he got crazy. An argument ensued that reminded me of that time I got grounded for not cleaning my room before going to the mall.

Next thing I know, I'm being escorted out of his t-shirt, back into my clothes, out of the apartment, and into a cab. Ok, writing this all out makes me think I've got a pretty awesome Lifetime movie on my hands.

Jump to Monday at 8am, after a day of unanswered texts and a too-apologetic voicemail from yours truly.

Me 8:15am: how are you feeling?

Him 8:17am: I don't have your bra. I realized this only after pulling it out of my bag on the way to work.

Me 9:47am: and i'm guessing you also don't have the patience for me.

Him 12:17pm: This has been disappointing on both sides, I'm sure. Wait, are you talking like my dad?

Me 3:24pm: does this mean i've been added to the list of girls you'll never talk to again? On date #3, dude tells me that he has a strict rule never to talk with women he once dated. (Fine, red flag #462.)

Him: [Radio silence... and we're going on day 3]

-------

And that, boys and girls, is why you don't date incredibly handsome and successful 37-year-olds. I just lowered my dating max to 35. Despite what I've written here, I'm actually a mature lady with an old soul... and I love me some grey hair.

P.S. I'm really going to miss his doorman. He always loved me.

Intervention

So today an intervention was organized via the interwebs about me and my lack of dating and therfore blog posting. It was quite a shock...

I mean my work/blogging/wine drinking BF (known to the blog as KG) and my BFF (we will call her JB), who have only met once and in a drunken haze - have decided to team up against me!

There was a serious exchange of emails - let me share some of the highlights:

KG: SHE says she is set in her ways. I told her, that she needs to update those if she wants any boys to FIND the way to her apt, or more importantly her v... you get the idea. Anyway, I am emailing bc I think we need to join forces and make an actionable plan so that we can give MB something to blog about, and the men of NYC, something to talk about.

JB: MB-if you do not go on a second date by monday, 8/23 i am asking that you please generate and distribute a status report regarding your activity on dating sites, etc. how many sites are you a member of? are you interacting with people? and the real question-are you taking this seriously? i don't want you to at all take this in the wrong way, but this is your warning. not only are you starving us of you quick wit on the group blog, but you're starving yourself. starving yourself of opportunity, love and most importantly-getting laid.

On top of my BFF's reminding me that I'm lame and a bad dater - i had a giant bug in my apartment. And there is no better reminder about how much you need a BF around than a giant BUG. That said - I'm hitting up all dating options by the end of the week. You're suggestions are needed - help me out ladies!

xoxo

Restaurant pick...

Ok so on date with guy #2, we chatted about this restaurant that I once saw him at. It's a great place to go on a Saturday afternoon. And apparently, I may rack up date numero tres this weekend, in which I am supposed to show a new kid around town. I say this because he is

a) younger than me
b) Canadian
c) studying to be a dental hygenist (Nothing wrong with that. Just a fact...)

So my question is, how inappropriate is it to casually ask Date #2 to remind me of the restaurant name, so I can then suggest it to date #3? I mean, nothing wrong with a little American hopsitality, eh?

Isn’t it ironic?

The non Alanis Morsette version, since none of the things mentioned in that song were actually ironic at all. They just really sucked.

Anyway, I was thinking, what if one of these dates goes really well?? And so we go on a few more dates, even make it on the “repeats” leaderboard. And (gasp) into DTR (define the relationship) territory.

How do you tell someone:

“Look, you’re really great and I’m having a fantastic time. I know you’re interested in a committed and monogamous relationship, as am I, but you cant be my boyfriend right now…because it will really ruin my blog…that’s about trying to get a boyfriend.”

Dates 3 and 4...never happening

Ugh. Here are the two contenders...and the problems with each.

Hot Tennis Pro: He's in his mid-30s. He teaches tennis at the gym by my apt. He is hot. My friend is his neighbor and when I told her about our dating challenge, she told me she would try to hook it up. I've asked her repeatedly since then to arrange something with him, but to no avail. My friend called me while I was at that wedding Saturday and asked if I was free next weekend. I immediately said, "TO HANG OUT WITH HOT TENNIS PRO??! YES!!!" She said, "No, I need someone to do a stoop sale with me. I have shit all over my apartment that needs to go ASAP." Apparently she doesn't understand my dire need for this date. And I don't want to keep heckling her to get me a date. Sad.

Midwest Man: I was perusing Okcu, obvi, and found a guy who looked cute and had the most endearing profile I have ever read on that site. And he has a car. I messaged him and he messaged me back an hour later, which, as we all know, is unheard of on okcu. Usually I don't get any responses. Problems?
A) It shows that he responds often B) He is stuck indefinitely in the Midwest because of "family stuff" (read: may not be back by Sept 15 deadline) C) He responds OFTEN

Dates 3 and 4 are going to be harder to get than I thought. I can't bear the idea of doing yet another match search on okcu. Ladies, I think you are going to surpass me on the leader board this week...

DTC Wisconsin Style

So I've been in Wisconsin for the past three days for a wedding (ah so many weddings!!) and it took me 20 minutes to catch up on all the posts I missed. Ah-mazing.

I have a DTC via text from Friday night.

KT: How is Wisco? Are you working on finding a Madison date?

KP: Do cheese curds count? (note: the most ah-MAZING food in the world)

KT: Ummm, they give you legit orgasms, right? Then YES.

Can this count for like .5 dates? To be fair, I ate at least 2 pounds of them.

Sundate Recap

Last night’s date was definitely a nice way to end the weekend. It started, continued, and ended well. When thinking of how to sum it up, it seemed easiest to compare it to Thursday’s “Jigga wha???" events:

1. Within the first 5 minutes, he asked about my day and my weekend, not my exercise routine.

2. After a pause between my 2nd and 3rd drink, he made a cute comment about me trying a new drink this time vs. “well, we know YOU want another one.”

3. About 2 hours in, he suggested some fun food and appetizers vs. never once acknowledging food (even though our date went until 10pm). So I got classy gourmet pizza and sides with my date, vs. $1 slice at a restaurant down the road by myself.

4. He walked me home and said goodnight at my gate with one of the cheek kiss things vs. walking out of the restaurant with a speedy side hug and then saying he was going out with friends.

Also, my date had been drinking at an event he was at previously (although totally cool and composed) which means he day drinks. Whew.

All in all, had a good time and think there may be room to get myself on the “repeats” leaderboard.

Hold up, you have food in your teeth.

Several potential pre-date disasters:

1. Last night's hangover hit about 45 minutes before my Sundate. So I figured I'd "lie down." Nearly slept through my date until my mom called.

2. I'm not lactose "intolerant" per say, but you get the idea. I decided to have a large cappuccino and brie sandwich at the coffee bar. Lets just say I've made better decisions.

3. I happened to look in the mirror when I was grabbing my jewlery only to realize I had a large piece of chocolate in my teeth that could have stayed there for hours. (Ok so I also had some of a cookie at the coffee shop. Neither here nor there.)

4. It's raining and I often pretend I am invincible to it. Almost walked out without an umbrella.

5. I am, yet again, going to be late to my date due to the fact that I am blogging.

I think I am missing the purpose of this blog...

(I forsee an friend intervention coming soon about this. Kind of like the time when I got sat down for a "stop snapping while dancing" intervention where my friends threatened to only go out with me if I wore mittens despite the fact that I told them snapping was really popular at the clubs in ATL. Apparently what put me over the edge was when I tried to do some shooting star snap moves to "So Sick of Love Songs" and Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time."

Ok now officially going to be late.